Bosun Will Saves the Governor, Translated by Runamuck

Narrator: In the tavern The Bottomless Barrel captain Roger and his men are sitting in jolly company and enjoying some wine. They have delicious smelling legs of lamb on the table in front of them. The gloomy captain Foul and his helmsman Culverin are sitting at another table. Lt. De Martinet has settled down in a dark corner of the room. He is wearing a messy wig so no one will recognize him. The governor’s soldier who came along with him has also disguised himself.
Bessie: Hands off!
De Martinet: Gordon, we did it. We have found the pirates’ secret hideout. Ha ha ha.
Gordon: Yes sir.
De Martinet: For god’s sake, don’t call me that. Forget that I’m Lt. De Martinet, call me Juan.
Gordon: As you command, Juan.
De Martinet: Fool, say you to me and treat me like a friend.
Gordon: Yes, Juan.
De Martinet: That’s better. The pirates must not notice who we are.
Gordon: No, anything but that.
De Martinet: They would have a lot of fun hanging us by the neck until we run out of air.
Gordon: Please Juan, don’t talk about it.
Bessie: Well you two, do you want something to drink?
De Martinet: Oh yes, Bessie, we need rum, lots of rum.
Bessie: Ha ha, right away.
Gordon: Juan, look at the cripple who just came in. he only has one leg, and must walk on crutches.
De Martinet: Yes, what is up with him?
Gordon: He is a spy for the pirates, I saw him in Port Royal.
De Martinet: Pssst, I think he has something to report.
Peter: Captain Roger, captain Foul, Bessie, listen to me, yes? I have news for you, big news for everybody. So listen up.
Pirate: Well, tell already!
Peter: Not so fast my friend, first I’m hungry and thirsty. If you want to know anything, you will have to serve me first.
Foul: I’ll take care of that. Bessie, give him what he needs.
Roger: Stop! Foul only pays for a part, the rest will be on my bill.
Foul: What is that supposed to mean, Roger? Why are you butting in? I said that Peter was my guest!
Roger: If he is your guest he’ll never be full, you pirate. Come to me Peter, you’ll get what you want, and more important as much as you want.
Foul: Orrrgh!
Narrator: The gloomy captain Foul wants to object, but then he sees that the tavern owner Bessie is reaching for a flintlock. Suddenly he calms down.
Foul: Oh well, I understand. I don’t want to start an argument.
Bessie: Very wise of you Foul. And now listen to what Peter has to tell. You can always brawl afterwards.
Culverin: That’s true.
Foul: You’ll shut your mouth, Culverin. You are too dumb to understand this.
Culverin: Yes, that’s true.
Bessie: He is still right though.
Culverin: See? I’m not so dumb after all.
Foul: So Peter, what is going on?
Peter: I have just come back from Port Royal, and there I learned something that will put you all in a sad mood.
Pirates: Really? Spit it out Peter! We want to hear it, what’s up? Talk already. My god, come on.
Peter: Governor will be given the boot.
De Martinet: I don’t believe it!
Peter: It’s true. The governor is shaking in his boots, because in just a few days 4 inspectors from Europe will arrive. They want to investigate the governor’s business practises.
Will: Ha ha ha, poor Broadside, now he is done for.
Pirates: Away with him. The inspectors will finish him off.
Foul: Bravo, Peter, those are some impressive news.
Culverin: Ha ha ha, they’ll send Broadside away. Ha ha ha.
Roger: Right after their arrival they will notice that Broadside is the biggest crook in these waters. What an end for that pompous oaf.
Gordon: (Whispering to De Martinet) Juan, is it true?
De Martinet: Those pirates are right. Broadside is finished; everyone knows that all the money ends up in his own pockets. Only the inspectors don’t know that yet.
Narrator: The news strike like a bomb. They all dislike governor Broadside. Everyone has suffered under him or his work at some point. They look forward to him getting punished for once. But is it really a good thing for the Pirates that Broadside would disappear?
Will: Be quiet! Silence! Listen to me!
Pirates: Bosun Will wants to tell us something. Pssssssssh. Be quiet, listen to him.
Will: Yes, please be quiet and listen to me!
Roger: Talk already Will, what do you want?
Will: You are happy about governor Broadside being disposed? Are you all still right in the head?
Pirates: Hey! Hey! Watch out bosun, or it’ll end badly! Don’t be so rude, or you’ll bring down the thunder!
Will: Think about it, Broadside may be greedy and sneaky, but he is also dumb as straw.
Pirates: Yes, you bet he is! Even Culverin knows that. Even God knows!
Will: Think about it, what will the next governor be like? Also that dumb? Or will it be someone who would be really dangerous to us? Broadside, that oaf, we can put up with any day, but what about the new one?
Peter: Lt. De Martinet hopes to become new governor if Broadside has to go.
Foul: That could be dangerous for us. The man is treacherous and mean; he would turn our paradise into a living hell. He is a really nasty warmonger.
Pirates: Right about that, Foul. You are right captain. If De Martinet becomes governor we will be done for. Eh, he’ll send us all straight to hell.
Will: That is exactly what I meant, my friends. Right now we are able to do whatever we want if we aren’t too careless. With Broadside gone we will be driven away from this lovely place.
Roger: You are a smart kid Will, but what do you really want to tell us?
Will: I want us to work together. We will have to bury the hatchet for a couple of days.
Foul: And then, bosun?
Will: Then we’ll save our governor Broadside. Because it’s the only way we’ll be able to survive as pirates.
Pirates: Save Broadside? That’s crazy. I don’t think so. Makes sense. Yes, right about that.
Narrator: Save governor Broadside? The pirates have to get used to that idea. But the more they think about it, the better they like Will’s plan. 

Lt. De Martinet and the soldier sneak out of the tavern and walk down to the harbour of the pirate island. To be safe they didn’t say anything to Will’s plan so no one would recognize them. They stop next to some stacked crates. They think they’ll be able to speak freely to each other here. But they are mighty wrong, because there is not just a parrot close to them.
Gordon: Juan, what do we do now?
De Martinet: First, soldier, you’ll call me lieutenant, understood?
Gordon: yes yes, sir, Sorry sir, I didn’t know that you…
Popsy: Lieutenant! Lieutenant!
De Martinet: We have to get away, the ground is burning beneath our feet. That over there is Rummy, he is the helmsman of the Dark Shark. He is already looking over here, he seems to have noticed something.
Gordon: May I say something sir? About the governor.
De Martinet: About Broadside? Better not.
Gordon: I understand, you’ll show those pirates.
De Martinet: They will have thought wrong, I don’t tolerate any pirates. I will deliver them all to the gallows, understood?
Gordon: Yes lieutenant.
Jimbo: Lieutenant? Why is there a lieutenant? And you are a soldier?
Gordon: That is none of your business, brat. What are you doing here? Where do you come from?
Jimbo: I slept under the box, and then I heard how you called him lieutenant, and how he wants to annihilate us.
Popsy: Lieutenant!
Narrator: At this moment the parrot Pospy swoops towards the lieutenant, grabs his wig, the great disguise, and flies with it out over the water.
De Martinet: Deh, my wig! Soldier, stop that bird! He, he stole my wig, I’m completely naked. Mommy!
Jimbo: Alarm! Alarm! There are soldiers in the pirate village! Alarm!
Gordon: Damn brat, come back here.
De Martinet: Soldier, engage the enemy, defend my valuable life. And I, I’ll run back to the boat. I’ll flee out to sea. The governor must know where the pirates hide.
Gordon: And what do you think I’ll do, De Martinet? I’ll also flee, my life is a little more important to me than yours.
Jimbo: Rummy! Those are the governor’s spies!
Popsy: Help! Spies!
Jimbo: Stop shooting, you’ll just hit the windowpanes anyway.
Narrator: Governor Broadside is sitting in the garden of Fort Rasselsword and is feeding a few birds in a cage. Nearby the lovely Camilla and energetic Prudence are tending to the flowers. The sun is shining, it is nice and warm. On such a nice day the governor should be in the best of moods, but he isn’t.
Broadside: Oh, it is so hard. I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this.
Prudence: Don’t complain, you’ll get through it.
Broadside: The inspectors will chase me off my island. They will simply claim that I have kept gold from the crown.
Prudence: You did. You keep most of the gold for yourself, and only give the crown a fraction of what belongs to it.
Broadside: Prudence, how can you say something like that?
Prudence: It’s the truth!
Broadside: But, but you don’t say that. And not so loud. If the inspectors hear that it’ll be the end of this sweet life. And Lt. De Martinet will become my successor.
Prudence: What a thought, that jackass! Impossible. What are you going to do now?
Broadside: I, I don’t know. No, wait, I have an idea. I’ll claim that the pirates have stolen all the gold. Yes, I will give the pirates all the blame.
Camilla: But that is why the inspectors are coming, they accuse you of not doing enough against the pirates.
Broadside: I have objected to that, in my report I wrote that there aren’t any pirates here anymore.
Camilla: No pirates? But uncle, if there aren’t any pirates, how can they then have stolen the gold?
Broadside: I will say that I have put an end to then, but the stolen gold hasn’t been found yet.
Prudence: A dangerous lie.
Broadside: Be quiet Prudence. There are no pirates any more, at least not here, and not so long that the inspectors are here, is that understood?
Camilla: Tomorrow 4 ships filled with gold arrive. They will anchor here in Port Royal and pick up supplies before the sail to Europe.
Broadside: And take the inspectors with them, if everything goes well. Did you think I didn’t know that?
Camilla: The pirates will try to steal the gold.
Broadside: They won’t succeed. My soldiers will guard Port Royal like never before. The pirates won’t dare to show up.
Camilla: But that doesn’t work, uncle. The inspectors will ask why so many soldiers are guarding the ships if there aren’t any pirates.
Broadside: Oh, right, you are right again. What, what, what will I do? Ouh, if just everything was over.
Camilla: Uncle, the inspectors, they are coming. All 4 of them.
Soldier: Your honour, the inspectors. Lord Relish, lord Oxborn, lord Cunninghamshire and Lord Valgam.
Broadside: Gentlemen, be my guests. Visitors from the distant Europe, how rare is that? Please, take a seat. What can I offer you?
Relish: A cup of tea please, and, eh, if you had a good cigar?
Broadside: You heard it, quick, serve the noble gentlemen. (Claps)
Soldier: Very well, you honour.
Broadside: Just a few seconds of patients, gentlemen, and then everything will be ready for you.
Relish: Let’s get to work, governor, the crown is very worried.
Broadside: Really? But why that? Everything is in good order. Ha ha, everything is, so to say, going like clockwork.
Relish: It’s about the clockwork, erh, I mean the gold. For months way too little gold has been reaching the royal court. Ehm, where are the treasures that should be coming from the American mainland and these islands, eh?
Broadside: The pirates, lord Relish. The pirates, they have pillaged and plundered, to an unbelievable extend. But now the problem has been solved.
Relish: It has been solved? How are we supposed to understand that?
Broadside: Well, there aren’t any pirates here anymore. Those times are over, where they made our lives difficult.
Relish: Ah, I would doubt that. We have heard something completely different.
Broadside: Lies, nothing but lies. The problem has been solved. I have smoked out the pirate nests. I have had the pirates executed, all of them. I have sunk their ships.
Relish: That surprises me. We didn’t know that the things had changed like that.
Broadside: From now on the gold will flow unhindered to Europe. You can be assured of that.
Relish: If it doesn’t disappear in other ways, Broadside, to you treasury.
Broadside: Lord Relish, how can you say something like that? I have never claimed more from myself. No, no, no, believe me, if the treasures have disappeared somewhere, it can only have been the pirates’ fault. But they are not important anymore.
De Martinet: Governor, Lt. De Martinet returns from reconnaissance.
Broadside: Good, good, lieutenant, you can leave now.
De Martinet: Governor, I have important news to report. I have finally succeeded, under the most dangerous circumstances, and with my life at risk, the pirates…
Broadside: Yes yes yes, I know lieutenant, we have smoked them out.
De Martinet: Yes your honour. I just wanted to say that my brave soldiers…
Broadside: Have levelled the pirates nest. Now don’t disturb us any more lieutenant, I have just informed the inspectors that we don’t have a pirate problem anymore.
De Martinet: But Governor?
Broadside: Go now! Go!
De Martinet: As your honour commands.
Broadside: A, a, a good soldier, but a little too eager. He often overshoots the target, but he is loyal, that is also worth something. If he was just a little more intelligent.
Narrator: It takes a load of governor Broadsides mind when De Martinet finally leaves. He was sweating blood and water as the lieutenant was about to expose him and reveal that the pirates still cause major problems.
The pirates instead don’t just want to wait until the inspectors leave, they want to keep a close eye on the situation, and they can only do that close to the governor’s palace. As it has become night they arrive at the coast of La Sabatina, and a few of the sneak along secret paths to Port Royal.
Will: Captain Roger, it would be better if you stayed here at the edge of town, there are too many soldier patrolling the town.
Roger: Nonsense Will. Why should I?
Will: It’s too dangerous. Stay here, they would notice you.
Roger: Me? Ho, impossible, why that? I’m wearing long pants so they can’t see my peg leg, and a jacket with a long sleeve because of the hook.
Will: Everyone can tell that you have a peg leg, the foot is missing after all. And you a wearing an eye patch.
Roger: Come, we’ll go to the palace. Tell me, isn’t that your lovely Camilla who is taking a walk in the garden over there?
Will: Yes it’s her. I have to talk to her, but alone.
Roger: Yes, to sweet talk her. No my lad, this is about business. Come now.
Will: Look, Camilla has seen us, she is coming towards us. Please stay here, captain.
Roger: Oh well.
Camilla: Will!
Will: Camilla!
Camilla: I’m so happy that you came. I have important news for you. A big gold shipment will come.
Roger: Gold? Did I hear gold? A gold shipment?
Will: Captain, I wanted to talk to Camilla alone.
Roger: Yes yes, alright. When it’s about your love whisper I have nothing against it, but the sweetie said gold. Ha ha, my ears do not miss something like that.
Narrator: And captain Roger’s eye starts to sparkle. It twinkles and glows with a mysterious light. Gold fever has grabbed Will’s fatherly friend, and it doesn’t let him think of anything but gold.
Camilla: For god’s sake captain Roger, the shipment must not be touched. You have to let it pass unharmed.
Will: You don’t have to worry, Camilla. Captain Roger will not do anything.
Roger: How? What? Why? And the gold?
Will: Captain, have you already forgotten what we decided? As long as the inspectors are here we won’t do anything that would get the governor into trouble.
Roger: Yes yes, that is true. But I have the feeling that if I neglect so much gold I’ll go to hell for it.
Will: Ha ha ha, quite the opposite, you will…
(A whistle can be heard in the background.) 
Camilla: Huh! Soldiers! They are coming this way. Lt. De Martinet and two soldiers. Get away, hurry.
De Martinet: Stop! Stand still!
(The soldiers open fire.) 
Will: Run away Camilla, hurry!
Camilla: Yes, but you too.
Roger: That damn guy, he ruins everything.
De Martinet: Stand still!
Will: Stop shooting, you fool.
Roger: Will! Ouhi! Will, he hit my peg leg.
Will: Captain, get up.
Roger: I can’t, my peg leg, it’s broken. Do I have to hop on one leg?
De Martinet: Hands up, both of you.
Will: What is this supposed to mean Lieutenant? Why are you shooting at innocent people?
De Martinet: You are under arrest, ha ha. Soldiers, put them in chains and throw them in the prison. I’ll go to the governor, to tell him that I have caught the most dangerous of all pirates.
Will: You are a jackass, lieutenant.
De Martinet: Another word and I’ll have you shot on the spot. I will say that you ran away, no one would blame me.
Camilla: Help, lieutenant! Help!
De Martinet: Huh?
Will: It’s Camilla who is calling for help.
Camilla: Help, lieutenant, help me! They are attacking the palace! Hurry! Help!
Roger: Someone is attacking Fort Rasselsword.
Will: The governor’s life is in danger. What are you waiting for Lieutenant? Help the governor.
De Martinet: And you two?
Roger: Oh, you don’t have to worry about us, we’ll wait here for you.
De Martinet: Ach, you two are unimportant, I’ll get you later. Come soldiers, fight for the governor!
Will: Hey soldier! That’s the wrong way; the palace is there, to the left. Can’t you see where the lieutenant is going?
Roger: Of course they see that, that’s why they are running in the other direction.
Will: Ha ha ha, they sure are heroes.
Roger: Only the lieutenant is following Camilla’s cries.
Will: But he won’t find anyone who he has to defend Broadside from. And now come; let’s finally get out of here.
Roger: Give me your arm, lad, so I can, oh oh, so I can hop along with, with one leg.
Narrator: The two flee into the night, but they are getting too slowly ahead to flee to the far away Dark Shark. Because of that they rush over to the fruit seller Skip, who has helped them before.
Skip: Sit down here in the garden. I also have fresh wine, serve yourselves.
Roger: I need a new peg leg. De Martinet will pay for this; he will come to regret it.
Will: Calm down captain. Tomorrow morning we’ll start carving a new peg leg for you, one with a secret chamber.
Skip: Forget your leg, captain Roger, tomorrow 4 gold ships from the American main land come over here. It is said, that never before have any ships had so much gold on board.
Roger: Gold! Oh, 4 ships filled with gold. Will, we have to change our plans.
Will: No, we are not going to do that.
Roger: Will, think about it, we’ll never see that much gold again.
Will: We have other plans.
Roger: We can take one of the ships and kidnap it. After that we’ll hide for a few years until things have calmed down.
Will: Forget the ships, or the new governor will have you hanged from the highest gallows,
Roger: Yes, you are right. Oh damn it, fruit seller, that horrible bosun is telling the truth. Why must life be that complicated?
Will: It is only complicated for Broadside.
Narrator: Governor Broadside is pale and nervous this morning. 4 gold ships have anchored in the harbour and he is only allowed to put up a few guards. More soldiers would cause the inspectors to get suspicious. Broadside is having trouble hiding his internal shivering from the stern men from Europe as they come to him and lt. De Martinet in the salon.
Broadside: you keep your mouth shut, lieutenant.
De Martinet: Eh, yes sir.
Broadside: You only answer if you are questioned.
De Martinet: Only if I’m questioned.
Broadside: Ah, gentlemen, a wonderful good morning.
Relish: Good morning Broadside. The gold ships are here, but we don’t feel that they are safe here in Port Royal.
Broadside: But my lord, what makes you think that?
Relish: We heard shots last night.
De Martinet: Yes, because the palace was under attack.
Broadside: Nonsense, lieutenant, that is ridiculous. Who in this peaceful island should attack the palace? You are just incompetent.
De Martinet: Eh, governor, I followed a cry for help…
Broadside: Silence! Or you have been commanding officer of the Cannonball for the longest time.
De Martinet: Yes sir.
Broadside: Gentlemen, convince yourselves that this is an absolutely peaceful island. Come, let’s take a walk though Port Royal.
Relish: A good idea, Broadside.
Broadside: You will see that there is no danger what so ever for the gold ships.
Narrator: Captain Roger and Will sit at Skip’s fruit stand this morning. The parrot Popsy is sitting on the captain’s shoulder and watches how they are carving a new peg leg for the captain.
Popsy: Peg leg! Rogerboy!
Roger: Be quiet Popsy, don’t tease me with the leg. If it wasn’t for this bosun I would be able to make a peg leg from pure gold.
Will: And that would then be so heavy that you wouldn’t be able to walk with it.
Skip: Captain, bosun, hide, the governor is coming. Lt. De Martinet and the inspectors are with him.
Will: Ugh, too late, they have already seen us.
Roger: Stay calm. Completely calm, ha ha. Good morning governor.
Broadside: Good morning dear friend. What has happened to your leg?
Roger: Oh, you know…
Popsy: Pirate! Scumbags!
De Martinet: I can tell you that governor, the man is a pirate, a-a-a pirate…
Broadside: I don’t need your help, lieutenant.
De Martinet: But…
Broadside: The man is a successful pirate hunter.
De Martinet: Huh?
Broadside: Do you think that I have forgotten that he lost his leg, eh, his hand and eye while battling the pirates?
Popsy: Pirate! Fool! Pirate!
De Martinet: Bu that is…
Broadside: Really sad, but you see that the man is taking his destiny with dignity. Continue good man.
Roger: Yes, will do governor.
Popsy: Pirate!
De Martinet: But the bird is saying it, the man is a pirate.
Broadside: Ha ha ha, good joke, lieutenant, I hadn’t expected that much humour form you. Come gentlemen, or do you believe a parrot’s ramblings?
Relish: Ahahaha, of cause not governor. Now show us the harbour.
Will: Ah, that went well.
Roger: We have to do something. Lt. De Martinet is just as dumb as he is dangerous. We have to take him out of the equation.
Will: Take him out of the equation? How that captain?
Roger: Simple, come closer to me. I’ll explain it to you.
Narrator: The hot day seems to have made bosun Will and Rummy, the helmsman of the Dark Shark, very tired. They are sitting next to the governor’s palace on a sailor’s chest, and it looks like they are relaxing in the shade of the palm trees. They are actually fully awake; they are watching the change of guards at the gate of the palace.
Rummy: Over there is the lieutenant, he is commanding the guards. Do you really think he is that dangerous?
Will: He is. If we don’t silence him governor Broadside will fall, and then we would be done for. The lieutenant must not become governor; he hates us like the plague.
Rummy: Yes, that is true.
Will: He will keep hunting us until we have been annihilated.
Rummy: So far it has yet to come. (Yawns) Where do I get a gulp of rum?
Will: There is no rum now, helmsman, pull yourself together.
Rummy: Ugh, what are these for times? We used to plunder a couple of ships like proper pirates and otherwise live a quiet life.
Will: Yes, that is true.
Rummy: Now you have to play a game with pompous officers just to keep a governor in office. That’s the new times, argh.
Will: Yes, we have it hard.
Rummy: There! It’s now. Now it’s gonna happen.
Will: Ah, Jimbo is walking up to the lieutenant, pulling his sleeve and talking to him. Just as planned.
Rummy: And the lieutenant believes him, he is coming along.
Will: Rummy, pull you hat down over your face so he won’t recognise you.
Rummy: Will do. Should I snore?
Will: Just don’t exaggerate. They are coming.
De Martinet: Well, boy, where is the pirate who wanted to talk to me? Huh?
Jimbo: Just a couple of steps. Just behind the trees.
Will: Now!
Rummy: Grab him!
De Martinet: Traitor! You will regret this!
Narrator: Will and the helmsman jump on the surprised lieutenant, overpower him, and put him in a big chest to carry him away in it. But De Martinet is still resisting.
De Martinet: No!
Willy: Close the chest.
De Martinet: Let me out! Help! Guards!
Rummy: Will you be quiet? Why are you making so much noise? You are disturbing the noon rest.
De Martinet: Burh, you will pay for this, let me out immediately.
Will: Close the lid!
Rummy: Ay ay, bosun.
De Martinet: Ouch, let me, ugh….
Rummy: Orh, now the lid hit him on the head.
Will: He is not saying anything anymore, poor guy.
Rummy: He is probably asleep.
Jimbo: Or he passed out from fear. Huh, how was I?
Will: That was great. You are the best cabin boy the Dark Shark ever had.
Rummy: What, do you want to talk, or do you want to make the lieutenant disappear?
Will: We’ll carry the lieutenant away. Can you carry the chest on your own?
Rummy: Piece of cake, I carry 3 of the chests on my shoulders when I go dancing. You just watch out that no one gets in our way.
Narrator: On the evening of this day captain Roger, Will and Rummy sit on the fruit seller’s terrace, looking into the setting sun satisfied.
Will: hahahahaha, psssst, someone is coming.
Skip: Be quiet friends, we have a guest.
Roger: Who is it?
Camilla: It’s me.
Will: Camilla? How did you know were here?
Camilla: My uncle said it. He is angry because you run around in the middle of Port Royal, and that he can’t do anything about it.
Roger: Ahaha, we are sorry about that.
Camilla: You are playing a dangerous game. Where is lt. De Martinet?
Will: You don’t have to worry about him, Camilla, nothing will happen to him. He is on the Barracuda.
Roger: Captain Foul insisted on it. He absolutely wanted to have the lieutenant. It is his way to participate in the governor’s rescue.
Will: As soon as the inspectors have left, and De Martinet can’t cause any problems any more, he will be released.
Camilla: Is that true?
Roger: Ha ha, as true as my name is captain Roger.
Camilla: Oh, couldn’t you release him sooner? It would calm down my uncle and the inspectors.
Roger: Foul wouldn’t do that. He fears that the lieutenant would betray us and everything would be lost. And he is right about that, sweet Camilla.
Camilla: Yes captain, he is probably right. But what about the gold ships?
Roger: It breaks my heart, but we will let them sail away unharmed. The gold will reach Europe, and not an ounce will be missing.
Camilla: And the evil captain Foul? What will he do?
Roger: He won’t be doing anything against the ships either, we have his word.
Camilla: That’s good. I have to go now. I have to calm down my uncle, he is in the greatest of worries.
Will: I’ll accompany you, Camilla.
Camilla: That is nice of you, Will.
Roger: Look at those two turtledoves. Don’t forget to come back, bosun.
Narrator: Camilla and Will rush to Fort Rasselsword. Hidden behind a thick bush there is a passage in the wall that surrounds the fort. They squeeze through and see broadside standing in the garden. Gloomily he looks down to the harbour where the 4 gold ships are anchored, and still only a few soldiers on guard. Camilla grabs Will’s hand, and walks with him over to the governor. As Broadside suddenly is face to face with the hated pirate he rudely confronts him.
Broadside: Well, spit it out pirate, where is lt. De Martinet?
Will: I don’t know that exactly, I have only heard what people are saying. I assume that he is on board the Barracuda. He’ll return when the inspectors have left.
Broadside: Oh, and who says that?
Will: The captain.
Broadside: You really dared kidnapping him. Ha ha, you shouldn’t have done that, that was too much. Now you well feel the iron fist of the law.
Camilla: But uncle, you told the inspectors that there aren’t any pirates any more. How will you explain to them that there suddenly are some who you have to fight?
Broadside: The inspectors don’t believe me. Since De Martinet disappeared a lot has changed. The pirates’ think that they can dance around on my nose, but they have thought wrong. Guards! Guards! Come here!
Camilla: Run Will! Run!
Broadside: Guards, catch the criminal and shoot him.
Soldier: Stop! Don’t move or I’ll shoot!
Will: Just try.
Soldier: Stay here!
Will: I wouldn’t dream of it.
Soldier: Argh!
Narrator: Bosun Will just barely gets away from the guard. He rushes through Port Royal to the fruit seller and warns his friends. Captain Roger immediately gets up to flee to the Dark Shark. Bosun Will and Rummy leave Port Royal in a different direction though. Soon they arrive at a quiet bay that cuts far into the land.
Will: There she is, the Barracuda. Everything is quiet. Foul and his men seem to be asleep.
Rummy: (Sniffs a few times) Hmm, don’t you smell anything, Will?
Will: No, what is it?
Rummy: It smells like rum. Oh, my mouth is watering. You know, I think they thrown quite a party.
Will: Even better, then it’ll be easier for us.
Rummy: Hmm, let’s hope so. Eh, there’s a boat on the beach.
Will: Ah, a boat, I hoped there would be one.
Rummy: The guard in it is asleep. We’ll make his sleep a little deeper. (Knocks the guard unconscious) Oh, sorry about that, my friend.
Narrator: Rummy sends the man into the land of dreams for even longer, shoves the boat into the water and rows silently with Will to the Barracuda. Without a sound they climb aboard on a rope ladder.
Rummy: Take a look at this Will, they are all asleep. Oh, how good this smells, like the finest of rums. I think I’ll stay here for a couple of hours.
Will: You’ll first get some rum when our job is done.
Rummy: Really?
Will: Of course. It’s bad enough that all of Foul’s men are drunk; you don’t have to be as well. Please just tell me where the Lieutenant is.
Rummy: There, he is sitting up against the mast. Let’s go over to him. Oh, how it smells.
Will: Lieutenant?
De Martinet: Ooooohhh, help me, they have given me a sssssssleeping drug.
Will: He is struggling to stay awake.
Rummy: They have celebrated on their own; they could have given him something to drink as well. Instead they wanted to send him to the land of dreams, but I don’t mind it. Untie him.
Will: I’m at it. Done. You carry him to the boat.
Rummy: No.
Will: No? What is that supposed to mean?
Rummy: I’m in charge here, I’m the helms man, you are just a bosun. I have just given myself the order to drink a big gulp of rum.
Will: Rummy, have you lost your mind? If one of Foul’s men sees us we are done for.
Rummy: But I’m thirsty.
Will: I’ll give you a whole barrel of rum if we get out of here immediately.
Rummy: That’s a promise, when do I get the rum?
Will: As soon as we are back in Port Royal.
De Martinet: Port Royal? Yes, yes, I also want to go there…
Will: Lieutenant, be quiet, or they’ll catch us. Will, Rummy, it’s time.
Narrator: Bosun Will and the helmsman bring the almost unconscious lieutenant away from the Barracuda, row with him to the beach, and then carry him to Port Royal.
Things are getting quite busy in the governor’s palace. Governor Broadside is convinced to give the inspectors a final proof of his competence. His niece Camilla and his Sister Prudence are trying to stop him. They are seeing the end of his rule approaching.
Broadside: There must be no errors, we’ll attack and annihilate the pirates. We’ll sink the Dark Shark.
Camilla: Uncle, don’t do it, please.
Prudence: My Brother, it would be wrong.
Broadside: You’ll stay out of this. I’ll decide what will be done.
Prudence: It is still wrong. Why do you want to attack the Dark Shark? The inspectors will leave Port Royal on the gold ships and then everything will be fine.
Camilla: As soon as they are gone, lt. De Martinet will be released, and we don’t have to worry any more.
Broadside: I don’t believe that. I will tell the inspectors that pirates unexpectedly have appeared, and I’ll demonstrate how I deal with such subjects. We’ll attack at dawn.
Camilla: In less than an hour?
Prudence: It’ll end in a disaster.
Soldier: Governor, the soldiers are ready to march.
Broadside: Excellent.
Soldier: As soon as the Cannonball attacks the Dark Shark from the sea, we’ll strike from land.
Broadside: Mhaha, in no later than two hours there will be no more pirates, and no more Dark Shark. Move out!
Narrator: Meanwhile Will and Rummy have brought De Martinet to Port Royal. In a tavern they have seated him on a bench and give him a big mug of rum. He immediately reaches out for it.
Will: Yes, that’s good lieutenant. Drink up, cheers.
De Martinet: (Drunkenly) Cheers old friend. Where am I? It was very nice on the ship.
Rummy: Oh, the good rum.
Will: You better not drink it, Rummy, there are a lot of a sleeping drug mixed in it. The lieutenant will sleep for at least 24 hours.
Rummy: And now I must have some rum, or I’ll die from thirst.
Will: Give me one as well, helmsman. A really big mug.
Rummy: Will do. First a little drink. Ah, now I feel better.
Will: The rum!
Rummy: There you go.
Will: Cheers lieutenant.
(De Martinet is drunkenly blabbering in the background.) 
Rummy: What are you doing Will, are you out of your mind? Why are you not drinking the rum? Why are you pouring it over the lieutenant? He is already asleep. My god, look at his coat, it’s soaked with rum. What a waste.
Narrator: Things have become quiet in the governor’s palace. Only a few soldiers are staying close to Broadside. Most of them have moved out. On the harbour the sailors are doing the last preparations to sail out with the Cannonball. Grumpily aunt Prudence has withdrawn to her quarters, and Broadside is rubbing his hands. He is convinced that he will be having a great victory ahead of him.
Camilla: Uncle? We have to talk to you.
Broadside: Camilla, what is the pirate doing here? Guards!
Camilla: Please uncle, don’t call the guards. Will has something to tell you, something very important.
Broadside: What could a pirate possibly tell me?
Will: An example could be where lt. De Martinet is, your honour.
Broadside: I already know that. You kidnapped him.
Will: No, we would never do something like that. Come with me, your honour, I’ll show you where the lieutenant is.
Camilla: You can calmly follow him, uncle, you don’t have to be afraid.
Broadside: Afraid? Afraid?! Me? I don’t know any fear. I’ll call the guards, I need 200 men who will escort me, no, eh, better make that 400.
Camilla: Why that dear uncle? Not even I am afraid to follow him. You don’t need any soldiers to protect you. Just come along.
Broadside: Alright, very well, yes, but I have the greatest concerns. Very well, I’ll come along.
Will: Come in governor.
Broadside: What am I supposed to do in this hole? No, I refuse. I don’t walk into such a rundown tavern.
Will: You have to, governor, otherwise you won’t see who is laying in the corner.
Broadside: Who lies there? Hmm but, that’s…
Camilla: Lieutenant De Martinet. Oh, how it stinks.
Broadside: But, but the man is…
Will: Drunk like a fish, and what he couldn’t drink he spilled.
Broadside: I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. My nose can’t stand it any longer.
Will: You see governor, the lieutenant wasn’t kidnapped at all. I was wrong. I should not have believed the rumours. Disappointed in his failure De Martinet walked into this hole and started drinking rum.
Camilla: Way too much rum.
Will: We are not to be blamed for his disappearance.
Broadside: Yes, he failed. And that’s why he started drinking? My guards told me a different story.
Will: Should they put their lieutenant in a bad light and tell that he was sitting in a tavern?
Camilla: It was much easier for them to blame the pirates.
Broadside: Hmm, oh well, that sounds convincing. So the pirates are innocent?
Camilla: Since there aren’t any pirates, uncle.
Broadside: Ha ha ha ha, yes, you are right. There aren’t any in these waters anymore, because I’m so competent.
Will: Why should we suddenly tell the inspectors that there are some anyways?
Camilla: And disturb their peace.
Will: Why don’t we just let the travel back to Europe? Completely calm and peaceful, without any excitement.
Broadside: Yes, why not.
Will: And when they are gone, we can all live in peace again. A little gold for us, and a whole lot more for your treasure chamber, your honour.
Broadside: Do you want to day that I keep more gold for myself than rightfully belongs to me?
Will: No, no, governor. Who would ever think of that? You are just taking what the crown so unjustly keeps from you.
Camilla: We all know that the crown doesn’t pay enough for your services.
Broadside: Yes, that is true.
Will: And it will reward you even less if you now let the cannons speak, and spill unnecessary blood.
Camilla: Why upset the inspector? It’s not necessary at all.
Broadside: That is true, I have to go. I have to quickly get back to the palace, the soldiers must not attack. I go, I rush, I fly.
Will: Rummy!
Rummy: Yes, I heard everything. Ho ho ho ho ho, there the governor goes, the greatest of all pirates, to save his own source of income. Ho ho ho ho.
Will: Yes, and all that was needed was a single mug of rum. Spilled at the right time.
Camilla: Hopefully he’ll get back in time to stop the soldiers.
Narrator: Broadside cancels the attack. The soldiers return to their barracks, the Cannonball stays in the harbour, and a few hours later the inspectors sail away with the gold ships. Everyone is satisfied, the inspectors, the governor and the pirates. Only lt. De Martinet isn’t, he fears that the piracy will happily continue, but that funnily enough only bugs him.
 The end!

Pirates (3)

Bosun Willy Saves the Governor


Capt'n Roger - Wolfgan Völz

Bosun Willy - Sascha Draeger

Bessie: Renate Pichler

Helmsman Rumpott - Harald Eggers

Governor Broadside - Rudolf Weber-Lange

Lieutenant de Martinez - Michael Harck

Camilla - Kerstin Draeger

Auntie Rebecca - Marianne Kehlau

Capt'n Baddog - Jürgen Thormann

Polly the Parrot - Beate Hasenau

1st Mate Dumbo and Speedy, the monkey - Manfred Erler

Narrator - Rainer Schmitt


Author: H. G. Francis

Director: Heikedine Körting

Music: EUROPA Recording Studio

Editing: Hedda Kehrhahn

Sound: Roland Michel

A EUROPA Recording Studio production

Case Art: Dr. Beurmann